Caregiver, heal thyself

I made a decision on a cold night in the Louisiana swamp to find a way out of the hopeless, desperate gravity that was my life.

I was a mess, having clusters of panic attacks that would bring me to the *floor and once caused me to lose the ability to speak. Getting dressed, brushing my hair and teeth were no longer second nature, they had to be practiced separately as if I were learning activities of daily living all over again.

I didn't want to visit family or friends because my state of mind seemed to stick to anyone in gloom pathogen slinging range. I have never met a person who said they wanted to grow up to be a burden on those they love for good reason.

This probably should have carried me to a mental ward but I didn't feel I had that privilege because I am the sole caregiver to my adult son with severe disabilities. Isolation feeds the gloom pathogen and mine was fat and happy.

January of 2017, I was at the crossroads, I had only 2 options I could see. One was to stop trying and check out (I had a plan) or I could began my quest to find my spark, (the unique, intrinsic quality that animates a person) to reacquaint and nurture that spark without sacrificing the needs of my son. I heard about Viktor Frankl, an Austrian neurologist and psychologist who said,

 

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I had the opportunity to see my situation in another way. To study it and document my path to health so I might be able to help others.

If you are in a situation like this, welcome, you are not alone and there is hope.

If not... well, howdy!

Come on in, sit a spell, take your shoes off...

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